they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
