do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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