drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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