she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
