I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
