You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize