I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
