her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
