Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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