Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize