It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
