Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
