you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
