I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
