I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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