mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize