Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
