you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize