I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
