this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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