I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
