By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
