JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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