I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
