Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
