i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
