Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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