Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
