He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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