My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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