in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
