Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize