The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
