WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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