you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
