hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize