omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
