Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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