So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
