I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
