so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize