I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
