He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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