I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
