I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
