I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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