the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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