can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
