She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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