I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
