Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
