I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
