I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
