i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
