I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
