GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize