I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
pray to the hookup gods
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
