where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Life without a bra equals bliss.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
