Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
