Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
