the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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