so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
