Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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