his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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