my sisters under your porch take her home
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
