i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
