Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
