i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
