OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
