he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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