I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
