Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm too high and old for this...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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