Define "chronic" masturbator.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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