I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
