"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
