I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize