i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
