you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
