I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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