i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
