I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
