I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize