this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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