One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
