After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
