Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
