I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
