I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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