FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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