I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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