I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
