Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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