You can't special order awesome
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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