I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
