Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
