she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
