he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
