kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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