I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
