I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
