he wants to bone in the snuggie
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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