Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
