I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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