i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
